Words remembered and forgotten

And misplaced. I notice that since I have been moving and traveling around the USA and Europe my accent and idioms have become rounded, reshuffled, and resurfaced. I'm saying Irish idioms as though I've said them all my life. Instead of vite-a-mins I say vit-a-mins... and then there is my renewed love of bluegrass and funny little southern similes born from college, and all my New Hampshire, northern turns of speech have suddenly blended into the onslaught of new words and ways. Only the resilient stay, but, I'm not really sure that they were "the original" speech. German, Spanish, French, and Italian have slipped in too, jumbling with each other and poking fun at my English. At first, I was alarmed, and tried to re-instate my fading American accent and reclaim and my quirky New Englandisms as though my personality would disappear along with them if I didn't work fast to recover them, store them sagely, make back-ups.

But then more I tried to remember, the more I forgot. I remembered saying "I'm wicked tired of this jet-lag," in Italy, and "Auf Wiedersehn" to my grandmother in New Hampshire. And didn't I speak Spanish in Virginia? Didn't I order lunch perfectly in Madrid? Didn't I tell L's mom that getting financial aid from the states is like pulling teeth from a horse? What are the infinite ways to say, "It's colder than a witch's tit?" Didn't S murmur "Git 'er dun," in Dublin? Didn't that perfect gentleman say "Bonsoir" so sweetly?

This struggle quickly birthed a understanding. I wasn't losing anything. I'm gaining an accent that reflects all the places I've loved and the sounds I've soaked up. Every year that passes, every country I stay in, all the languages I learn shape my accent, shape my brain. And my personality has always been bigger than Epsom or Hampstead NH. It's all ok. Remember and forget. Learn.